Zoom icebreakers: Better conversation starters than ‘How are you?’

As author and Wharton School professor Adam Grant points out, “How are you?” rarely starts a meaningful conversation. “It prompts us to summarize our emotions instead of sharing the stories and insights behind them.”

The question falls particularly flat on Zoom, psychologist Jane Dutton says on the TED Ideas blog. “People are pretty tired of the same old ‘How are you doing?’ question.”

And if someone is actually suffering at the moment, the casualness of the question suggests you don’t really want to know how they are, forcing the other party to perform fake cheerfulness. Psychologists say this sort of “toxic positivity” has real mental health costs.

Here are six more genuine and optimistic conversation-opening lines.

What surprised you this month?

Grant says it’s better to ask about experiences than emotions, suggesting this offbeat opener as an example.

What did you do this week that you loved?

“Ask a question that taps quickly into something that’s meaningful to people and conveys, ‘I am genuinely interested, and I genuinely care,’” Dutton says.

What’s something you’re excited about?

Thrive Global rounded up alternative openers, and this one comes from Craig Inzana, a content creator from Omaha, who asked this even before the pandemic.

“It’s open-ended enough for someone to talk about their work, their favorite TV show or anything else that they’re loving at the moment,” he says.

What’s been keeping you busy?

“I’ve recently found that asking people more specific, but not intrusive, questions leads to a more authentic exchange,” Marta Chavent, a management consultant in France, told Thrive Global.

What have you learned about yourself lately?

California-based marketing director Isabelle Bart submitted this one to Thrive Global: “Not only have I realized that they usually open up and are willing to share personal stories, but they also get excited about sharing something positive related to personal growth.”

Tell me a silver lining that happened this week.

“Talking about silver linings acknowledges that something negative has happened, but it also touches on the positive that you’ve made of it,” Dutton says. She suggests this conversation opener for a big group Zoom call.

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