TAMPA, Fla. — Tom Brady is afraid to step off the hamster wheel. He’s fearful of ending his unparalleled career after 22 seasons knowing nothing will compare to playing quarterback in the NFL.
He admits to being “tormented” by his love of football, even at the expense of failing to live up to the example set by his role model, his father, Tom Sr.
“It’s like the hamster wheel doesn’t stop, and if you stop the hamster wheel, maybe there’s a fear that you will never be able to get back on,” Brady says in “Man in the Arena,” his docuseries that captures the journey of his 10 Super Bowl appearances. “What’s going to bring me the joy as I move forward?”
The 10th and final episode of the series will air Tuesday at 11 p.m. on ESPN+. It offers no footage of Brady’s decision to retire on Feb 1. Nor does it specifically mention his decision to end that retirement six weeks later.
But it offers great insight into Brady’s biggest internal conflict at age 44.
What happens when you are so great at something that you can’t give it up, even though you know it’s almost selfish and maybe not in the best interest of your wife and three children?
The final episode is aptly named, “The Wheel,” and it continues to spin uncontrollably for Brady.
The film mostly chronicles the Bucs’ Super Bowl 55 season in 2020, from Brady’s divorce with the Patriots to his system for choosing the Buccaneers and eventually overcoming a mediocre start by the team to lift his seventh Lombardi Trophy.
Brady’s dad and tight end Rob Gronkowski are the only other voices in the episode.
But as much as it is about football, it serves more as a window into Brady’s headspace during these last few years in Tampa Bay.
Landing in Tampa Bay, with a talented roster, experienced coach, warm climate and laid-back lifestyle suited Brady instantly as he trained for the 2020 season in his pool at the home he rented on Davis Islands.
“I remember (personal trainer) Alex (Guerero) and I were working out, and every day we were in the pool to do a pool workout I would look at Alex and go, ‘Dude, can you believe this? It’s 85 degrees out, and we’re in the pool getting ready for the football season,” Brady says.
Brady reveals that he convinced Gronkowski to join him in Tampa Bay during a throwing session Brady arranged at the Barclays Center in Brooklyn after a call to the Nets’ Kevin Durant.
The Bucs started the season 7-5 but won their final four regular-season games before taking down the Saints’ Drew Brees, Packers’ Aaron Rodgers and Chiefs’ Patrick Mahomes in the postseason. Winning the NFC Championship Game at Lambeau Field may have been Brady’s best memory.
“If you ever go to Lambeau Field for an NFC Championship Game, that’s football heaven,’ ” he says. “It’s a game that I’ll remember. Play by play. The weather. The way the sun hit the stadium. The way the grass felt on my feet. The way the reflection off the helmets was that game. Everything is kind of instilled in my mind, a photographic memory almost of those moments.”
But it’s Brady’s moments with his father that dominate the final episode. Whether it was baseball or football, Tom Sr. made it a point to get off work in time to help his son develop as a man and an athlete.
“My dad made every commitment to me that was an amazing dad,” Brady says, wiping away tears. “There was never a moment when he didn’t have time to support what I wanted to do and try to achieve. It’s a hard thing to do.
“From the time I was a kid, whether I wanted to be a pro baseball player, he’d come home and take me out on the field and hit me ground balls until the sun set. When I wanted to learn to play QB … he didn’t push me, he kind of held me up.”
But Brady is conflicted about what he misses with his own family because of his NFL career.
“I realize life for me is becoming more complicated,” he says. “How do I make my life a little more simple to find a little more joy in the simple moments, because I’m so excited about achieving more?”
Before the episode ends, Brady addresses the biggest conflict in his life, an impossible effort to find a work/life balance while playing a sport well beyond anyone’s expectations.
“When I think about being a dad, I think about (his own father),” Brady says. “Because of what my dad meant to me, and I know I’m not as good of a dad to my kids that my dad has been to me. I use them as my example of how to keep a family together and to care and support and to love. We want our kids to be happy. I want them to be respectful of people, I want them to be kind, I want them to make the world a better place.
“I think maybe what I wish for our children is to find something they really love like I have. But I think I’ve taken it to the extreme, too. There are imbalances in my life, and I hope they don’t take things as far as I’ve taken them. I want them to experience great success in whatever they do, but there’s a torment about me that I don’t wish upon them.
“I know there’s times for me to be sitting in the stands, I know there’s times for me to be doing other things,” Brady continued. “But there’s still a desire to win. When you’re the ‘Man in the Arena,’ there’s no thrill like that.”
Why Tom Brady jumped back on the hamster wheel
Corral is slightly undersized, but he's an NFL-caliber playmaker with genuine arm talent, and features the quickest release in this class. The dual-threat QB was the only FBS player with at least 3,300 passing yards and 500 rushing yards in each of the past two seasons. There have been maturity concerns throughout his career, but they seem to have subsided this past year. His smallish frame will raise questions about his durability, but he's held up well against the toughest competition college football has to offer. Projected: Rounds 1-2
Corral is slightly undersized, but he's an NFL-caliber playmaker with genuine arm talent, and features the quickest release in this class. The dual-threat QB was the only FBS player with at least 3,300 passing yards and 500 rushing yards in each of the past two seasons. There have been maturity concerns throughout his career, but they seem to have subsided this past year. His smallish frame will raise questions about his durability, but he's held up well against the toughest competition college football has to offer. Projected: Rounds 1-2
Ridder is the most pro-ready signal-caller in the draft. He's a field general with solid anticipation, a good arm and is athletic enough to make plays outside of the pocket while also being a weapon in the run game. He was 43-6 as a starter for the Bearcats, never losing a start at home (26-0).
Coaching should be able to help refine his technique in the NFL and help improve some fixable accuracy issues. Projected: Rounds 1-2
Jeffrey McWhorter
Ridder is the most pro-ready signal-caller in the draft. He's a field general with solid anticipation, a good arm and is athletic enough to make plays outside of the pocket while also being a weapon in the run game. He was 43-6 as a starter for the Bearcats, never losing a start at home (26-0).
Coaching should be able to help refine his technique in the NFL and help improve some fixable accuracy issues. Projected: Rounds 1-2
Howell is the best downfield passer in this group and he proved to be a legitimate threat as a runner last season despite failing to meet big expectations. He needs to improve his patience within the pocket and dig deeper in his progressions on early downs — his production on third down in 2021 reveals he's capable of leveling up. Projected: Rounds 1-2
Chris Seward
Howell is the best downfield passer in this group and he proved to be a legitimate threat as a runner last season despite failing to meet big expectations. He needs to improve his patience within the pocket and dig deeper in his progressions on early downs — his production on third down in 2021 reveals he's capable of leveling up. Projected: Rounds 1-2
Willis spent two seasons as Jarrett Stidham's backup at Auburn before transferring to Liberty. His dynamic mobility, strong arm and intangibles have taken center stage during the draft process, but there are serious accuracy/consistency issues that will need to be ironed out in the NFL, likely requiring him to carry a clipboard for at least one season. Projected: Rounds 1-2
Butch Dill
Willis spent two seasons as Jarrett Stidham's backup at Auburn before transferring to Liberty. His dynamic mobility, strong arm and intangibles have taken center stage during the draft process, but there are serious accuracy/consistency issues that will need to be ironed out in the NFL, likely requiring him to carry a clipboard for at least one season. Projected: Rounds 1-2
The Heisman finalist took a major step forward in his fourth season as a starter. Pickett is a three-time team captain who passed Dan Marino in all of the school's major statistical passing categories. He's most dangerous outside of the pocket when he goes off script, but he needs to work on his anticipation throws and his comfort within the pocket. His small hands (8 1/2 inches) — he wears gloves on both hands — have led to ball security issues (38 career fumbles in 52 games at Pitt). Projected: Rounds 1-2
Keith Srakocic
The Heisman finalist took a major step forward in his fourth season as a starter. Pickett is a three-time team captain who passed Dan Marino in all of the school's major statistical passing categories. He's most dangerous outside of the pocket when he goes off script, but he needs to work on his anticipation throws and his comfort within the pocket. His small hands (8 1/2 inches) — he wears gloves on both hands — have led to ball security issues (38 career fumbles in 52 games at Pitt). Projected: Rounds 1-2
After three seasons at Arkansas, Kelley transferred to FCS-level Southeastern Louisiana. He won the Walter Payton Award (FCS Heisman) in 2020 and was the runner-up in 2021 after finishing with 5,615 yards of total offense, the third most in FCS history (184 yards behind Steve McNair's record). Kelley has legit arm talent and is surprisingly mobile for his size, but ball security (15 fumbles last season), age (he turns 25 this year) and level of competition is concerning. Projected: Rounds 7/PFA
Thomas Graning
After three seasons at Arkansas, Kelley transferred to FCS-level Southeastern Louisiana. He won the Walter Payton Award (FCS Heisman) in 2020 and was the runner-up in 2021 after finishing with 5,615 yards of total offense, the third most in FCS history (184 yards behind Steve McNair's record). Kelley has legit arm talent and is surprisingly mobile for his size, but ball security (15 fumbles last season), age (he turns 25 this year) and level of competition is concerning. Projected: Rounds 7/PFA
Strong features good height and size for the position (especially for this draft class), with accuracy at all three levels and the arm talent to consistently attack outside the numbers. He wins with his arm, not his legs (he's a statue in the pocket) and problems with his right knee stretch all the way back to 2017. Projected: Rounds 3-5
Tom R. Smedes
Strong features good height and size for the position (especially for this draft class), with accuracy at all three levels and the arm talent to consistently attack outside the numbers. He wins with his arm, not his legs (he's a statue in the pocket) and problems with his right knee stretch all the way back to 2017. Projected: Rounds 3-5
Zappe rewrote the FBS record book this past season with an absurd 5,967 yards, and 62 touchdowns against only 11 interceptions in 686 pass attempts in his only season for the Hilltoppers. Not bad for a no-star recruit who received only one scholarship offer (Houston Baptist). Projected: Rounds 4-7
Eric Gay
Zappe rewrote the FBS record book this past season with an absurd 5,967 yards, and 62 touchdowns against only 11 interceptions in 686 pass attempts in his only season for the Hilltoppers. Not bad for a no-star recruit who received only one scholarship offer (Houston Baptist). Projected: Rounds 4-7
A broken foot got him Wally Pipped at Wisconsin. He led the Irish to 11 wins in his only season at South Bend. He's an efficient, accurate passer with athletic limitations who is capable enough to compete for an NFL backup spot initially. Projected: Rounds 4-7
Rick Scuteri
A broken foot got him Wally Pipped at Wisconsin. He led the Irish to 11 wins in his only season at South Bend. He's an efficient, accurate passer with athletic limitations who is capable enough to compete for an NFL backup spot initially. Projected: Rounds 4-7
Tampa Bay Buccaneers quarterback Tom Brady celebrates with his family as he hoists the Lombardi trophy after their win over the Chiefs in Super Bowl 55, at Raymond James Stadium. (Dirk Shadd/Tampa Bay Times/TNS)
Dirk Shadd/Tampa Bay Times/TNS
Tampa Bay Buccaneers quarterback Tom Brady celebrates with his family as he hoists the Lombardi trophy after their win over the Chiefs in Super Bowl 55, at Raymond James Stadium. (Dirk Shadd/Tampa Bay Times/TNS)
